Had a deep fucking talk today about people, and how human relationships are all about people using people until they don’t need them anymore. And I don’t mean people using people for their money, looks, or any of that—I mean people using people in their fleeting, desperate need for the emotional connection, before they find something else that makes them happier, and then they leave the same people, who they pretended to give a shit about, out in the cold.
That’s why I don’t make the effort to connect with people anymore—not because I’m mean—but because I’m kind. I don’t want to fool anyone into thinking I give a shit about them, because I don’t, and I never could anymore. Because if you’ve ever had it happen to you, you are scarred by it for life.
I still think about him every day—not because I was “in love” with him because I wasn’t, at least not in the way that word would normally be construed—but because I genuinely believed that we were friends. And forget breakups of romantic relationships (not that I would personally know the feeling)—the breakups of friendships are the ones that leave you questioning and hurt and haunted for life.
And there is no real conclusion to be made of this, except that I guess I understand how them rich, famous folks roll now. I know why people build walls and don’t trust. But I guess that’s just the motion.